


Breaths are dying, Lung was crying

by Amelora



Series: Bartender and his Customer [3]
Category: Elite (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Boys In Love, Cancer, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Omander - Freeform, Romantic Angst, Sick Character, they are not students
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:49:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28962711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amelora/pseuds/Amelora
Summary: Omar didn't believe that he could flirt a man for a long time.Omar didn't believe he could want a man for a long time.Omar didn't believe he could really fall in love with someone.Untilhecame into his life.----THIS IS PART OF A SERIES.----First Part:Tears are dying, Heart was cryingSecond Part:Sounds are dying, Heartbeat was cryingThird Part: Breaths are dying, Lung was cryingLast Part:Sorrows are dying, Hope was crying
Relationships: Ander Muñoz & Omar Shana, Ander Muñoz/Omar Shana
Series: Bartender and his Customer [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2117583
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	Breaths are dying, Lung was crying

Two days had passed since Ander had shaved his hair. Two days that seemed pretty boring, painful, and impossible for Ander to pass.

Stomach aches and headaches had become more than normal. More than it should be. More than Ander used to in a short time. The night these pains started to increase was the night he shaved his hair.

There was an incredible pain at the beginning of that night. If he really could not stand Omar's insistence that night and stayed with Omar, it would have been a big problem for him.

In any case, he couldn't stay with him that night. The next day he wouldn't be able to wake up, resting on his bed. He would do this in his own bed at home.

If Ander had stayed with him that night, he would have let Omar see him at his most sickly side.

Ander once again thought that he was happy - no matter how sad - that he wasn't staying with him that night.

He thought he should have forgotten for a few days. But it seemed to be a bigger problem for him, let alone forgetting it.

He wondered how miserable this new image looked when he looked in the mirror several times to get ready before he went out. Although he tried to get this thought out of his mind over and over again, the face he looked at in the mirror was the face of a sick man.

There were many things on his face that didn't belong to him. This is weakness. This weakness in your face. This weakness that shows the jaw structure even more and does not leave a trace of the old full cheeks. Then a body as white as blood drawn, and pale. As if all of this was not enough to remind him of how sick he was, his hair ... The hair that was missing ... The hair he had shaved on the man he flirted with. Ander felt quite weak.

Still, he always had some enthusiasm and energy to go outside - to go near him. The desires of a homosexual who had left him from his previous life and the sensation of the lust of his adolescence still lay deep inside. Or they could stand there thanks to that boy -Omar.

\---

He certainly hadn't forgotten to put on a piece of cloth protecting his head when he went to the bar. It didn't matter if his jacket was hooded or not, he had to put a hat. He did so.

As Omar was serving glasses of customers in his usual place, he noticed Ander was watching him there. And as this was happening, Ander felt like he had awakened from a dream. It felt like seconds to him, even though he had been standing there for almost two minutes. In fact, he wouldn't care if he stayed there for more than ten minutes and his legs allowed it. He could just stand there and watch him.

\---

"Welcome." Omar greeted Ander with a warm smile.

Ander took off his jacket. He left that jacket on the chair he was thinking of sitting on and turned to Omar.

"I can't stay long today."

Ander said without looking into his eyes. He knew he was watching him right now, with an insanely big smile on his face. After what Ander said, he could get upset, his face might change, his eyes would lose some density, and Ander didn't want to see them.

"Are you okay?" Omar waited a bit after what Ander said, and he asked. The first thing that comes to his mind.

Ander was not surprised by his direct question. He more or less knew that such a question would come, but the happiness he felt when he heard it was completely different.  
There was a faint smile on Ander's face. He didn't think it was so difficult for him not to look at Omar's face, and he understood in a few minutes that day.

"I'm just having bad days."

He didn't want to say his cancer-related bullshit at that moment. He didn't use the words he thought might hurt her. He chose to hide the bad words - bad thoughts - for a while.

Omar knew very well what Ander was talking about, and even if Ander did not say it exactly, Omar knew what the reason was. And the expression on his face had necessarily changed. An embarrassed expression appeared, regretting what Ander said. His eyes were away from Ander, and he was tending to deal with his hands. The only place where he could relieve stress was in his own hands.

When Ander looked at him, he felt he had failed. He felt that he was dragging him into his own mess.

"I understood." Omar could only mutter.

Then he pretended something he had forgotten and had to do. And a few minutes left Ander alone there.

\---

"Do you fit in new fashion or something?" Omar asked when he came back. As he said this, he was a little distant to Ander, he might not have heard it, no matter how loud he said it.

"What?" Although Ander's reaction confirmed Omar, Ander had heard quite well what he said. He just didn't understand what he meant.

Omar pointed to Ander's head with his eyes.

"That. The thing on your head. Is it new fashion?"

Ander's hands went involuntarily to his head. He reacted as if he forgot what was in his head. In fact, he thought that Omar would not question the beret on his head. So he quickly forgot the existence of the beret he was wearing on his head.

"Oh, that's. No, it's not fashion or anything." he swallowed. He thought about his real fear - his foolish fear - whether to emulate it or not. "My head is cold. That's why." His voice was a little hoarse, he was timid, not wanting to lie.

Omar raised his eyebrows. Ander was unaware of how absurd what he said was. But Omar was well aware.

"Does that mean it's cold here?"

Ander exhaled strongly to show that he was bored with Omar's questions.

"It means my head is cold!" His voice was a little loud.

Omar did not like the oddity of Ander's demeanor. He knew that his attitude was due to his hair, but he didn't want to ask directly and annoy him. Ander was cranky - angry - enough at that moment.

"Mine is a more valid reason than yours, you know, right?"

Ander frowned. He turned his gaze away from Omar.

"But you can't understand a sick man, can you?"

Omar was silent. He didn't want to be silenced so easily, but he stopped. He didn't want to escape the truth, he always stood side by side with the facts. The voices in his head didn't need to tell him that Ander was sick, Ander kept telling him every time. But that hurt. Omar would never be aware of his feelings, how he really felt, perhaps. He could not understand a sick man. This reality weighed on his breathing.

Ander was unaware of the weight of this sentence. He just wanted to breathe for a moment. He wanted to relax as, someone else's breath made -Omar's breath- narrow.

Ander hadn't gotten used to not getting a response for that long. Omar always gave him an answer. No matter what he said, he was always reciprocated. However, it took him too long to answer this question. Ander could not stand and moved his gaze towards Omar.

He stood mournful, not a grief that Ander saw constantly. But this grief was always in Omar. And it was enough to look at him for a few seconds for Ander to regret what he said.

"I'm sorry, I mean-"

Suddenly Omar approached Ander. Shortening the distance between them affected Ander in whatever situation. He had to interrupt his sentence.

"True. What you said is true. You don't have to apologize."

Ander wanted to deny it. He wanted to say that what he said was wrong and that he was wrong. However, Omar would not let him speak.

"But I know. I know why you're wearing your head." There was a strange smile on his face. It was not the kind that happened when he was happy.

Ander wanted to distance himself from him. He wanted to extend this short distance in their faces. But his body didn't want to do that.

"Why?" His voice was very muffled and weak.

"You are afraid of people's eyes." Omar hesitated. He wanted to see if Ander would do anything. But he did nothing. He just had a strange feeling of relief on his face. Finally there was someone he didn't feel obliged to explain how he felt. "You are afraid that their look at you will change just because you don't have hair. Right?"

"It will be like this." Ander retreated from Omar's face. His gaze was now on the ground. "Everyone's gaze will change. They will either feel sorry for me, or my appearance-"

Omar quickly put his hand to Ander's left cheek. He had trouble making this move. There was a huge gap between them. Still, he was able to stop Ander just in time.

"None of this matters." Omar said while gently stroking Ander's cheek. "Because none of them know how strong you are." Omar's voice was getting weaker and breaking. "Because they don't know what a beautiful man you are. And they don't need to know that." There was a big smile on his face. "Excuse my selfishness, but ... wouldn't it be enough if I only knew all of this?"

Ander could have fallen in love with the intensity of Omar's gaze. The intensity of his words could be in love. He could fall in love with the intensity in his eyes. Or he could have fallen in love with that gentle caress on his face, or that hand. Still, Ander thought he could only fall in love with Omar.

"You are a very selfish man." his voice was tearful. But there was a strange smile on his face. Not the kind caused by happiness, but the kind caused by a similar emotion. He still felt Omar's warm hand on his cheek.

"Still... Can you accept the selfish feelings of this selfish man towards you, sir?" Omar asked slightly sarcastically.

Ander extended his hand to the hand on his cheek. Into Omar's hand. He gently grabbed that hand. And he looked at Omar. He could see that the sarcastic attitude on Omar's face was erasing.

"I accept."

\---

Ander was preparing to leave the bar. He had taken off his beret after that speech, and after standing next to Omar for about half an hour, he was finally preparing to go home.

It could not be said that he wanted to go. But he was quite tired. And in the following hours, his body could give him unexpected surprises. He was not prepared for this.

Then another thought came to his mind. He could only see Omar in the evenings on weekdays and during chemotherapy times. There was no chemotherapy tomorrow, and Ander wasn't sure he wanted to come back to the bar tomorrow night. The crowd was quite confusing, disgusting. 

As Omar saw him outside, Ander suddenly turned his head.

"Come to my house tomorrow morning." Ander asked directly. They had already passed the level they would be shy about each other in this regard.

Omar was a little surprised by this sudden question.

"Tomorrow?"

Ander was biting his lower lip. He was trying to get the words to say from his mind. And he was a little nervous.

"Yes." Although Ander was still unsure of what he had to say, his instinct to be honest with him was more than he thought. "Actually… even moving anymore feels like cruelty."

Omar let Ander's words echo in his mind as a broken smile developed on his face. _Even moving is cruelty..._

"To be honest, I wanted to come to your house, too. So you know ... I waited for you to ask this so I wouldn't be an intruder."

Ander smiled. It felt like a very warm smile to Omar. At least it was a heartwarming smile for Omar. And then, for one of those hugs to say goodbye, Ander approached Omar. Maybe he didn't hug to him tightly, but hugging him this way felt comfortable. Omar quickly strained his arms around his waist and responded to his heartfelt hug.

Ander said as he slowly spread his arms from his waist.

"See you tomorrow."

###

Although Ander knew that Omar would come home that day, he could not move from his bed.

When he first opened his eyes, he just went to the bathroom and went back to bed to spend the rest of the day in bed.

The voices in his brain that did not leave him in the peaceful arms of sleep constantly reminded him that Omar would come home that day. This made it difficult for Ander to sleep.

Still, he had to sleep if he wanted to stop the strange aches in his body and the strange nausea that he was causing him despite his empty stomach. Sleep was the most reliable pain reliever for him.

\---

When Ander opened his eyes a few hours later, he did not expect to see a man at the head of his bed glancing at him.

"Good morning, sleepy." Omar greeted Ander with his usual joy.

Ander was giving him a strange look. He lifted his head a little from his pillow. He rubbed his eyes. He wasn't quite sure because of Omar's blurry appearance. So he looked at him as if to make sure he was there.

Omar was watching Ander's half-amusing demeanor with a smile on his face. He mostly saw Ander, who had just woken up from sleep, at the bar, but it was the first time he saw Ander, who had a pillow print on his face. He would examine him with his eyes to extract this pleasure.

"Good Morning." Ander dropped his head quickly back to his pillow. He turned his gaze from Omar back to him, there was a very short distance between them. Moreover, Ander was unaware, but Omar was leaning on his bed. However, Ander cared a lot about these things. Despite all this, the first question he chose to speak was stupid. "How did you get in here?"

Omar raised his eyebrows.

"I dug a tunnel." he was making fun of him.

"What?" But Ander pretended to take this seriously. He moved in his bed. Omar thought he liked these stunned things very much.

"I walked in the door of your house like normal people, Ander."

Ander frowned. He was on his temper. Ander's moodiness, just waking up from his sleep, and more. His gaze sometimes reminded Omar of old people.

"I'm not asking it." He moved a little in bed to comfort himself. He was completely turned towards Omar at that moment. His whole body was turned towards him.

"What are you asking?"

"My mom didn't know you were coming, how did she get you in?"

Ander didn't think how stupid his question was. He was just talking. He just wanted to talk to him.

"She had no reason not to let me in. She chose to let me in."

Ander was listening half asleep to Omar's gaze. That's why he gave his answer in a rather lethargic way.

"Oh, is that so?"

Omar saw that Ander's eyes were about to close again. He brought his hand closer to his face. He gently caressed Ander's side plate, which did not cover the pillow. Ander opened his eyes again.

"Are you sleepy?" Omar asked politely.

Ander murmured. His eyes were half closed.

"I'm sorry."

Omar continued to caress his cheek slowly. For a moment he thought he was much thinner than he first met. But it was just a momentary thought.

"You apologize too much."

When Ander closed his eyes completely, he spoke again.

"I'm sorry."

"Again?" Omar let out a quick sigh. Ander looked pretty relaxed, even though Omar's hand hovered over his face. And he was ready to fall asleep at any moment.

Omar gave up when he didn't get any reaction. Ander hadn't said anything — he hadn't muttered. He was sure he was sleeping now. He spoke in a whisper.

He did not know whether he did so that Ander wouldn't hear it, or because people prefer to speak in a whisper where there is a sleeping person. But he just whispered.

"Sleep well."

\---

Ander opened his eyes again when he felt a tremor in his bed.

He wasn't sure what time it was and what he had done that day. He opened his eyes twice and fell asleep twice. He had seen that in one of those moments Omar was at his house, but he still didn't know if he was a dream or not.

He got the answer to his question when the tremor he felt in his bed increased and that tremor became a human voice.

Omar was at his house. He was in his room. He was sitting on his bed.

"Good morning again, sleeping beauty." Omar spoke to Ander's opened eyes.

Ander was preparing to speak in a hoarse voice. He could see that Omar was dealing with something, but from the side Ander was looking at, what Omar was doing was not well understood.

"What are you doing?" Ander who was lying down, asked as he sat down on the bed.

"I'm getting ready to feed you."

Ander's head bowed involuntarily. He did not know whether Omar should laugh at this response, make fun of it, or be angry.

"Are you going to feed me?" Despite this repeated sentence, Ander was still not sure what he said.

"Yes. Your mother complained to me about you." Omar spoke as he tried to cool the dish on the tray he had put on his lap with a spoon. "She said, you didn't eat your food and you starved yourself for a long time."

"Now he teamed up with my mom." Ander muttered to himself as he put his head back on his pillow.

Omar chuckled, despite Ander's speech, which made it clear that he didn't like this. He knew that he was only doing this because of his grumpy demeanor and said not to eat.

"Yes, because he will be mother's number one son-in-law."

Ander would normally laugh easily. But he was obviously sulking. Because soon Omar would want things to start the torments of his stomach. Still, he answered him.

"Because he won't have another son-in-law."

Omar smiled slyly.

"Does that mean 'I can't be with anyone but you'?"

Ander responded gruffly.

"That means my mom has only one child."

Omar put the tray in his lap on the bed without wiping his smile. He moved a little closer to Ander and leaned over his face and spoke.

"And this one child has something to do for that only one groom-to-be."

"Survive." Ander didn't know what the continuation of what Omar was going to say, but he was sure it was something like that. So he said quickly.

Omar was looking at her with a broken smile. He knew that what he was going to say was not such a heavy thing, yet at that moment he felt like it was something heavy.

"There is that too, but ... For that, you have to eat first."

Ander separated his face from Omar's. Turned it the other way.

"I won't eat."

Omar said, trying to look angry.

"Are you a kid?"

Ander didn't mind.

"I don't want to eat."

Omar got up from where he was leaning. Ander was no longer looking at her face, or allowing Omar to look at him.

"I got it, you're a baby."

"I'm just a fucking sick man!" Ander turned to Omar. His voice was louder than he had anticipated, and he wasn't aware of why he was taking such an attitude.

Omar started to speak without Ander turned away again. He was trying to look tough just like Ander just before.

"That's exactly why you have to eat." He let out a deep breath. "You want to get better, right?" He continued without waiting for an answer to the question. In fact, he extended his question a little longer. "Like any sick person, you want to be heal, don't you?"

Ander just shook his head. It was the first time that Omar had heard his voice so loudly. If he was honest with himself, it was the first time he saw Omar angry with him.

"Then you have to eat."

Afterward, Ander behaved quite docile in ways that did not suit him. This would be another proof of how much Omar could impress him.

\---

Omar had made Ander eat something by force.

Since it was weekday that day, Azucena had to go to the school where she was studying, and she did this when Omar arrived. That's why they were alone at home.

Omar would not have thought that he could stay so long in the house of a man he fell in love with, when no one was there, moreover, without doing anything in his room.

Relationships for him have never been this deep and meaningful.

He would take care of someone, that someone would take care of him, they would try to sleep together, and the result would often be disappointment. Neither that man would be satisfied, nor Omar ... Or even if he was satisfied, the next day they would act as if this incident never happened. That's why Omar didn't think he could be romantically involved with any man.

But Ander had made him think of everything.

What relationships meant, what love meant, that everything wouldn't be just for one night of pleasure, or that it couldn't be lived without that pleasure… Ander made him reconsider everything.

Still, Omar was struggling. It was very difficult not to go beyond kissing the man he loved for months. It was very difficult to imagine whether he would like it or not while kissing him. It was very difficult to be satisfied just by looking at his face. It was very difficult not to know whether he would live or not.

Also, this man had him do something that Omar would never have thought of doing. Unpaid leave.

Omar had spoken to his bosses a few days ago. He said he had a relative who had cancer. Without giving much detail, he said that his relative did not have many people to take care of him and that Omar needed extra permission to take care of him. But he didn't say that that relative was actually the man he fell in love with. He did not say that his relative's father was such a mess. He did not say that the relative's mother had to work. He did not say that his relative never dropped the word 'death' from his mouth, despite the fear of death in loneliness.

And although everything seemed strange to Omar at that moment, it was not. He was sitting on the bed with the man he fell in love with. That man's head was against his chest. Omar was staring at his body - his increasingly weak body. Actually, what they did was watch movies. It is a movie that Ander opened from the laptop they put right in front of them. Ander started watching this movie a few days ago but fell asleep while watching the movie. And at that moment he said he wanted to end that movie with Omar.

Omar said he would not leave him alone for the rest of the day, but he did not say anything about his work. So he wanted to make sure the movie was over. But Ander's eyes, which had been closing all day, were preparing to close again. Omar stopped the movie at that moment.

Both Omar's stirring and the sound of the movie silenced made Ander awake.

"What happened? Why did you stop?" Ander said while rubbing his eyes.

"There is something I should tell you before I go to sleep." Omar's voice sounded serious. But Ander still took some humor out of those words.

"What sleep?" He frowned to look a little angry. Actually, he wasn't angry or anything.

Omar chuckled.

"I don't know, I have to ask you. What exactly is this sleep? Did you activate a 24-hour sleep mode or something?" Omar asked sarcastically.

Ander grabbed one of the pillows on which they were lying and slowly - weakly - threw it at Omar.

"You asshole."

When Omar snatched the pillow in the air, he approached Ander. He left a wet kiss on his lips. Ander did not think he would get such a reaction. As a matter of fact, he didn't think Omar would kiss him as if it was such an easy thing.

"Do you want me to come back tomorrow?" Omar asked when he moved a little away from Ander. Still, there was no great distance between them.

Ander bowed his head. Omar knew that he looked like elementary school children in this state, but he couldn't tell at the moment.

"Yes." Ander replied timidly. When he kept his eyes open all day long, it wouldn't be more than a few hours. However, the fact that Omar was there, in that house, in that room gave him a different comfort.

"Then I have good news for you." Omar said with a big smile on his face.

"What news?" Ander asked curiously.

"I took two weeks off." Omar waited a while. To see the change in Ander's face. And he went on when he saw how wide his eyes were open. "Actually, I can extend this leave. I talked to my bosses. So... I just want to be there for you when you need me."

Ander was delighted. He was even more joyful than you might think. Despite the bad thoughts that haunted him, he was happy. It was also evident by the big smile on his face. But that smile faded quickly. And it didn't take Omar long to realize this.

"What happened, aren't you happy?"

Ander's head bowed again. His voice was faint and barely audible.

"I'm happy. But ..."

"But? What?" Omar approached Ander's bowed face.

"You haven't completely quit, right? You said the money you got from there was barely enough for you."

Omar smiled at what Ander said. He smiled at his concern for her. He smiled at his thinking. Omar wanted to be the joy of this man who widened the smile on his face - making it real.

"No, don't worry. I just got permission." Ander nodded at what Omar said. Omar continued to speak. "I also talked to your mother when I was home in the morning. I also told her I was on leave for two weeks. She asked if I would like to come and stay here, but-"

"Will you stay here?" Ander interrupted Omar excitedly. Omar thought he certainly had most of the traits a child has.

"I'll stay, but I'm just a burden on you."

Ander responded, trying to appear angry.

"What does that mean?"

"It means I don't want to be a problem to you and your mother."

“Why would you mind, just a few days-” Ander was no longer angry. It seemed to beg. He wanted Omar to stay with him. Because he knew he needed it.

Omar suddenly interrupted him.

"Ander, please." He put his hand to his face. "I want to help you. Not to be a problem." And he withdrew his hand. He started speaking more seriously. "That's why I talked to Azucena. I'll accompany you in the mornings for a week. The next week, if you want, I'll take care of you in my own home."

"Your own home?" Ander asked, somewhat confused. He didn't think much of this possibility.

"Actually, it made me a little uneasy that Azucena allowed this, after all she's your mother and…" Omar was trying to get the words together. He shouldn't have said anything about death. He should not have said anything about death, although it was impossible when he had nothing but death in his mind. "So I said that she could come and go to my home if she wanted and even stay if she wanted all that week."

Ander was even more surprised. Omar and his mother suddenly seemed closer to him than he thought.

"What did my mother say?" he asked curiously.

Omar thought he quite liked Ander's curious gaze.

"She said something similar to what I said. She said she would come in the morning and look at you, but she didn't want to be a burden on me. So she would do that just to see you."

Ander swallowed. He was trying to weigh what Omar said in his mind. It all seemed too much to him. It looked too beautiful. His mother could talk like a friend to the man closest to him at the time. That man could easily enter and exit their house. Moreover, he could easily go to that man's house. Ander seemed to be in an unreal dream. There was still an obvious reality in all of this too beautiful to be true. One of the reasons for his mother's gentle attitude towards him, and one of the reasons the man opposite is so kind to him; Cancer.

"What are you saying?" It was Omar's timid voice that awakened Ander from his thoughts. "Would you stay at my house?"

The joy in Ander struck his face.

"Are you ready to get tired of me?"

###

Omar visited him on the second day, just as he had promised Ander. In the morning, Ander didn't get out of bed again, but he had to spend most of the afternoon between his sick stomach and the toilet bowl.

Ander wished that Omar was not home that day. He looked so pitiful and pathetic that he even thought that Omar would not look at him the way he used to. He had to give up this thought that day. Omar's waiting in front of the toilet door with Ander, it discouraged him from these thoughts. Omar was a more determined man than he thought.

And the next day, the third day Omar was on leave, they would learn about the outcome of Ander's chemotherapy.

Omar felt the tension he had even in his veins. He did not think that he could not sleep excitedly during the night, that he would create thoughts and cry for hours because of those thoughts. But it was so. Last night was like a nightmare. He could not sleep.

Ander was trying to be fairly relaxed. Because he could see out of the corner of his eye that Omar was gnawing the flesh on his fingers. On the other side, his mother was breathing uneasily often ...

No matter how uncomfortable this environment made him, he tried to seem comfortable. This was clearly the first time Ander saw them so depleted.

Ander hated that it was because of him.

\---

And Omar was not happy that he had such a thing in his head at such a serious moment. They had been waiting for half an hour for the doctor to call them for results, but no one was coming to call them. Minutes, seconds, milliseconds; it could not pass. As if that wasn't enough, Ander had openly laughed and joked with a boy who had just left. Those conversations, which Omar found frightening, made Ander smiled and even laugh. Omar felt a strange discomfort in his stomach.

When Ander's mother left the two to go to the bathroom, Omar could not pass without expressing his discomfort.

"What were you just doing?" Omar spoke into Ander's ear, who was sitting next to him. His voice was quite loud. But he still preferred to speak to Ander's ear.

"What was I doing?" Ander asked, not understanding what Omar meant.

"Do you also ask like a joke?"

Omar was surrounded by a strange anger as Ander was confused.

"I don't understand, Omar. What are you talking about?"

As much as Omar was possessed by his feelings of jealousy, he could see the antics on Ander's face. So he asked again, clarifying his problem even more.

"Why were you laughing like that with the man just before?" Ander was taken aback. He didn't think Omar would be uncomfortable.

"To take the tension off the media." Ander was pretty sure of his answer. But when he remembered that the subjects they were talking about were about death, he wondered how absurd this answer sounded.

"Are you aware that the environment is putting the tension on me completely?" Omar moved slightly away from Ander's ear and his voice was a little loud.

"Why would there be such a thing?" Ander made it clear that Omar had no idea what he was saying.

"Because the man just before was, flirting with you." Omar said it directly.

Ander laughed loudly. Knowing that these laughter would not be stopped for a long time, Omar was glad that he made him laugh, but he was even more angry thinking that he had made him laugh just like that in his previous guy.

"Who? Alexis?" Ander spoke to his laughter.

"Whatever shit. The guy was flirting with you."

Ander finally answered when his laughter stopped.

"Don't be silly, Omar. Not everyone in this world is gay."

"I fuck world and people. This guy was just flirting with you. And he's gay, if not gay."

"What does that mean? You've begun to talk a lot of nonsense." Ander seemed to lose the joy of speaking. And as strange as Omar's words sounded, it wasn't funny anymore.

"That means that the man just before was a gay who was clearly slowing down to you."

"I do not think so." Ander replied, pursing his lips.

"Do you bet?" Omar asked confidently.

"No. You realize that someone like me with zero human communication is homosexual. So I won't have any argument with you about it."

"Good. Well done. At least you accepted it." Omar leaned back in his seat. When he did this, he had moved a little away from Ander. But when Ander turned his gaze the other way, it was one that he started laughing again.

Omar asked without resisting. He was not aware at that moment that he looked like a child. 

"What's so funny?" Omar asked, trying to behave in a dull manner. In fact, Ander's laughing and being so relieved gave him peace. No matter how often Ander's sentence was not normal, Omar could have fallen in love with these unusual innovations.

"Nothing." Ander said at first when he was trying to hide his face. Then he could not stand and approached Omar. "This is the first time I've seen you so jealous."

Omar tried to distance their faces.

"I'm not jealous. You think so."

"Sure. I think so." Ander said while still laughing.

Omar could have wished that this moment would take longer. He wished Ander would laugh at his attitude, and even just Ander would continue to laugh that way for hours. But suddenly the name of the nurse was heard. Azucena's face appeared in the long corridors of the hospital, and reality struck them once again.

\---

"Improvements are not good ..."

What the doctor said next did not reach Ander's ears. It was echoing, it seemed to be heard. But it was not heard. Some writings appeared in his mind, but Ander felt as if he had seen them before. He would have had more chemotherapy, had to come to hospital more, he would be more tired, his life would turn into more torture. And all of this could have happened until the moment he died.

\---

When Omar returned home, he did not want to go to Ander's house at first. Because he wasn't sure whether he would find the strength to go back to his house in the evening.

Never before had he considered the consequences of Ander's chemotherapy if he was honest with himself. But it was an endless cycle. One day it would surely end.

And that day was the day he realized that one of these end possibilities was death.

He hadn't accepted this. The doctor said that this cycle would be longer.

Omar did not accept. The doctor had said that this cycle might not have an end.

The heart hadn't accepted. His brain said that this cycle could take that man you fell in love with from you.

And he seemed nowhere to go. When he came to Ander's house and sat on Ander's bed, it was all like a dream.

This dream began the day Omar first saw Ander at the bar. It started as soon as he thought how impressive it was. It started when he thought of how he would feel if he stood next to him. It started when he thought about what he would feel if he kissed him. If he touched him, if looked at him for hours ...

Omar was part of this dream when it turned into a nightmare. Everything was like the remnants of a nightmare, but Ander was like a dream. A dream that is too beautiful to be true. A disease that is too dark to be true.

All of this had an end. People had an end. Dreams had an end. Nightmares had an end. The cycle had an end. Cancer had an end.

Omar was ready to do what he had forgotten for months so that this end would not be the worst. He was ready to do what Ander did not believe. He was ready to pray.

If they could hear him somewhere, he was ready to pray.

\---

Omar didn't know when they were lying side by side with Ander. When they first came home? When they were going to sleep? Such a moment?

"You're staying here tonight, aren't you?" Ander asked timidly.

Omar felt inside of himself small hopes were gathered with Ander's appearance as strong. He would hope or despair in everything anymore. Still, hope would always be his first choice.

"Yes, I will." Omar said as he continued to move his hand over Ander's face.

"You will sleep next to me, right?" Omar could not believe his face, which still could smile. But he could still feel the happiness inside. It was a joy to even be with him in this way. Omar thought about how much he had changed when he was a man who would not be happy with such simple things. Of course, Ander didn't know about this.

"If you want?" Omar asked politely. He thought he could still sleep next to him if he didn't want to. But he still asked.

And Ander laughed. He couldn't laugh without caring about anything. But he was happy enough for a small smile.

"I want." he closed his eyes when he said. This tiny gesture wiped out the smile on Omar's face. Yet Ander only closed his eyes for a few minutes. Omar didn't understand why he thought that moment was so scary.

Ander seemed to be dreaming behind his closed eyes. Although Omar did not see this in his eyes, Ander dreamed of a life he lived peacefully in that world of dreams. No matter how much Omar did not know about this, Ander was able to dream these dreams thanks to him. He thought he could be so full of life thanks to him. Thanks to him, he thought that illness did not only bring him evil. That's why he could laugh at that moment.

"Do you know?" Ander opened his eyes. Omar felt his stupid fear had passed. "Life looks better when you are near me."

Omar laughed. And even though what Ander's words shocked him, he laughed no matter how foggy his eyes were.

Ander's hand was hovering over Omar's face. He was touching his smile, his lips, his eyelids. He was slowly and gently exploring his face.

"It seems as if life is you and I just started to love that life."

Ander's words touched Omar's heart. It touched your soul. Omar could no longer keep the tears in his eyes from falling as he left a pain all over his body.

Ander kept his hand on his cheek to wipe those tears.

But it was still weird. Omar was still smiling.

"Was that a confession of love?" Omar asked.

Ander understood what Omar meant by what he asked. He smiled too.

"I don't know. Would you like it to be a love confession?" Ander asked.

"Yes." It was unclear if Omar was crying more or laughing more. However, he was happy.

"Good then." Ander hesitated. He wanted the words to come out of his mouth not to be wrong, so he thought hard. "Because I am falling in love with this new life."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!  
> Don't hesitate to let me know your thoughts, requests and so on.


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